I’m not a big person for regrets.
In part that’s because from a 50,000 foot view, my life is already pretty great. I’m at a good place in life overall, and from a “gut check” perspective I’m not really sure what could improve it right now.
But the other part of it is far more personal, and it unlocks a door behind which is a type of theoretical madness you may not have dealt with since watching Inception for the first time.
Let me back up a bit.
My son’s first birthday was a few days ago. It’s a real sense of indescribable joy that only other parents can truly appreciate—watching that tiny, incredibly helpless newborn baby grow and mature into something a little less helpless, with his own personality, skills, and essence.
I love my kiddos more than anything else in the world. And my wife is right there with them too in that regard.
So when I say I have “no regrets,” they are often by far the biggest topic on my mind.
I’m getting through “Powerhouse,” the oral history of CAA, which is an amazing book. I love all of the James Andrew Miller oral histories, and this one doesn’t disappoint.
There was a brief time during law school that I thought about going through an agency’s mail room after graduation and becoming an agent.
When you hear the stories of some of these agents, it’s kind of seductive. Many of the good ones made 7-figures annually, even in their 20s. It’s the kind of “work hard, play hard” atmosphere that I enjoyed back then. And given a few years to adapt I probably could’ve been at least decently successful in that environment.
And yet…at the end of the day when I’m thinking about whether I REALLY would want a do-over to try it, I can’t help but shake the fact that ANYTHING that I would’ve done differently back in the day would irreparably change my current life.
Maybe I would have met Kate at a different time, or more likely not at all.
Even going out on our first date a different NIGHT could’ve influenced when we decided to have kids, which would’ve changed the kiddos we ended up with.
Really, the stars had to align in a very specific way for us to end up with THESE KIDS. So many variables could’ve changed things to where we ended up with completely different kiddos.
Here’s where things start to get a little bit mind bending though.
Assume the “infinite parallel universe theory” is true. That is to say this universe is one of infinite universes that branch off at every decision point that someone makes.
And these decision points compound on each other. Since we’re talking about “infinity” here, that means not only is there a universe where I DID go out to LA to become an agent, but MANY of those universes (infinite actually).
Some of those universes i end up a super powerful agent, some I end up homeless, and some I probably end up somewhere in the middle.
But out of all of those universes, how many do I end up with Kate?
Here’s the mind-bending part:
The answer is both “infinite” and “very few.”
If we’re talking about “true infinity,” then there’s a universe for pretty much anything you can imagine.
There’s a universe where you become king or queen of earth-MANY universes. There’s a universe where you’re out exploring the stars right now—MANY universes.
There is also a universe where you are a genocidal maniac like Hitler—
MANY universes.
So given “infinite universes,” whatever you can think of? WILL happen in at least some of them.
However, the causality chain of events that would have to happen for me to go out to be an agent in LA, and yet somehow end up with Kate, seems like it’s EXTREMELY improbable.
And from there to end up with both of our darling children? It’s of course possible given the nature of infinity—it HAS to happen. A lot.
Yet as a subset of “overall infinite universes,” the universes where I:
-Go out to LA to be an agent
-end up with Kate, and
-somehow out of the billions of combinations of sperm and egg out there, end up with our exact kiddos
Is infinitesimally small.
In fact, even in the universes where everything is “mostly the same,” my guess is that the universes with THESE kids being OUR kids is already on the low side compare to “all universes.”
Again, billions of combinations of sperm and egg, conception time, etc.
And every outcome ultimately has to do with the probability of you making the decisions that led to that outcome.
That’s why the universes where you’re “space Hitler” are likely less probable—because the likelihood of you making each decision along that path is very VERY low…right?
Right?!?
So this brings me to the concept of “probabilistic infinity.”
Probabilistic infinity means that even in a set of completely infinite parallel universes, if you start pulling universes at random, there are patterns in those universes that you’re going to see either more often, or less often, when taken as a whole.
The universes where I’m some powerful Hollywood super agent?
Probably would see that less often.
The universes where I’m some genocidal maniac hellbent on world domination?
Hopefully would see that less often.
The universes where (gulp) my kids exist?
Unfortunately would probably see that less often!
Again, that’s because of all of the variables in their conception, gestation, and birth.
There are a few interesting ideas that come out of this.
First, are you living in a relatively probably high-occurring universe? Or are you an outlier?
You have no way of knowing! One decision made YEARS ago could have sent you into this current universe, and you’d have no idea that you’re “King of Earth” in 4.7% of infinite universes.
(Though “%” isn’t really accurate since infinity has no denominator. For now, I’m using it as a “rough approximation” if you put the whole set of infinite universes in a bag and drew several quintillion times for a sample to get an idea).
So you have no idea if this is even an incredibly likely existence for yourself, what the big inflection points are, etc.
Secondly, let’s go back to my kids.
I’m thinking the universes where I have these exact kids are probabilistically insanely low likelihood—like 0.0000001% given the probability all of the variables.
So (mind bending warning again):
What’s the difference between my kids, you, and me in this regard?
(Wait for it…)
Nothing!
That’s right—ALL of us in terms of “the bigger picture” face the same hurdles to existence in this model that my kids do!
My parents, your parents—doesn’t matter. Your very existence is so probability-dependent on exactly when they decided to have kids that it’s infinitesimally small compared to the probability of YOUR PARENTS’ existence. And the same for their existence compared to their parents, etc.
With every generation, THE PROBABILISTIC INFINITY CHANCES FOR ANY GIVEN PERSON’S EXISTENCE TRENDS EXPONENTIALLY TOWARD ZERO!
This realization just makes me incredibly thankful for what I have.
Finally, let’s assume there are no parallel universes out there—totally reasonable assumption.
This concept still makes me incredibly grateful that I have made the decisions I have to get to exactly where I am now.
I realize the same can be said for a lot of people reading this right now.
But there are probably a fair number reading this who aren’t so happy with where they’re at.
I think the best thing to do in those circumstances is:
-be grateful for what you DO have that makes you happy. There is probably SOMETHING in this life that makes you feel better. Focus on that for a week and see if your feelings improve.
AND
-realize that your decisions DO MATTER! The further we get in life, the tougher it is to change our lot with a dice throw on an inflection point decision.
For example, right now even if I wanted to, it would be a very low probability play to go out to LA and become an agent.
You probably can’t become dictator of earth at this point, no matter how hard you try. Very low dice roll.
But you CAN start piling up dice rolls in a way that makes a better outcome later on more likely for you.
If you don’t like where you’re at in life, as long as you’re not hurting anyone else, roll the dice a few times.
You may end up hitting boxcars a few times, and totally changing your lot in life.
